Christine A. Adams

Aboout The Book

The ABC'S Of Grief: A Handbook For Survivors is a book that meets the grieving person wherever they might be in their process. The object of this book is to provide snatches of meaning, hope, empathy, and understanding captured within a comprehensive study of the many aspects of the grief process.

ABC's was never meant to be read cover to cover. Just skip around choosing any topic. The alphabetical format merely simplifies the book allowing a reader, or group leader, to focus on any aspect of grief that suits them. Each letter is designed to cover several problems. For example, D includes a discussion of both the early feelings of Denial, Despair, and later processes of Discovery.

The words are not in any specific order other than they begin with D and relate to grief. Most books dealing with grief, including sections of ABC's of Grief, explain discernable stages of recovery. Although this can be a useful format for writing, it can be misleading because no survivor experiences the process in the same way. And, rarely in a linear fashion! For example, we don't get over "the anger stage"; we sometimes we slip back into anger many times along the way.

The flexibility within this book allows the survivor to live with his or her grief, go through the process, and not feel forced to get over it. If a reader gets stuck in their "anger" or "anxiety", they can go back to reread those parts of the book. Perhaps each time they go back they find some realization, some new meaning. In that way, ABC'S of Grief could help the reader go deeper and possibly find their way out of the anger or anxiety.

Additionally, there's a difference between the early days of grief and a later time. Reading any comprehensive, structured book on the process of grief may prove too much for the grief stricken reader in the early days of shock, disorientation and confusion. But they might be able to handle a poem written by someone who has also lost a loved one. Therefore, each section contains appropriate quotes, stories and poems.

These quotes, stories and poems are brought into the text to lend variety to the format, change the rhythm of the text, and put the reader in touch with a fellow survivor. Intentionally, most poems are not the words of renowned poets but survivors who found solace in writing a poem to describe their situation or honor their loved one. The stories were written by storytellers who learned powerful lesson about death, and life.

I found that grief patiently waits to be invited back into our lives; and sometimes, not so patiently can turn to apathy or a lingering anger. ABC's of Grief gives the survivor the message that it's OK to grieve at your own pace, there's no pattern. It's OK to release those uncried tears, there's no timetable. And when you embrace your grief, one day at a time, one thought, word or letter at a time, you grow and heal.